comment to be added
I can't escape the pain
I can't control the rage
Sometimes I think that I'm gonna go insane
I'm not against what's right
I'm not for what's wrong
I'm just making my way and I'm gone
I don't think I've ever really understood the meaning for blogging. I've always had problems expressing my feelings, whether it be spoken or through words, but yet I still do it. I guess I like to punish myself because I know that once I start something I need to carry on with it. So, I'm a glutton for punishment? Eh.

Over the past few months I've been trying to get my life back into order. It's a tough process and when I think I'm doing great, I end up failing and realizing that it's all a downhill battle. I've been suffering from depression for a year now, though at times it seems like an eternity. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy with anything. Writing and making graphics no longer seem to matter to me, I've become the world's biggest procrastinator, and I seem to be drawn into drama that I neither want nor have truly been any part of. I think if I were to escape all the meaningless drama crap then I'd be fine. Who knew online life could be filled with more drama than my actual life?
  • 20:23 ... seriously, SERIOUSLY?! Is this suddenly National Drama Week?! I hate people, rawr. #
  • 09:26 yay for day off! #
  • 11:18 I just got my dreamwidth invite code. Score! #
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I'm going to be crossposting my posts from Dreamwidth onto my LJ. So, if there are any strange posts that make no sense, it's because of that.

I've been playing around with DW since I received my invite code, just trying to figure things out. It's still in it's beta testing and I'm hoping it'll be a lot better, but I'm not sure if I like it or not. Currently there's not a whole lot on my journal, as DW is importing everything from my LJ onto my DW.

Today's my day off and I woke up feeling very helpless. It's strange. I blame it on the amount of caffeine I consumed last night while waiting for my brother to get out of class. But, hopefully today progresses into a better day.
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To be honest, yes and no.

Yes, because I've got no health insurance right now, so hospital bills would be ridiculously high and because I'd need an inhaler (my asthma acts up when I'm sick). And no, because I think I do a good job taking care of myself, staying healthy, taking vitamins, and making sure I keep my hands washed/sanitized all the time at work.
I'm going against what my work likes.

Today our company issued a company-wide letter where each employee must sign it stating that we will not talk about anything regarding our company. Personally, I think this is bullshit. I don't like that I am being forced to keep my mouth shut, especially if situations at my work have pissed me off. It's not as if I'm naming names and being fucking specific about vents that've transpired there. However, seeing as I was basically threatened with my job if I refused to sign the letter, I signed it. Oh well.

On the flipside, RPG drama is fucking crap. People who are no longer on my site are trying to act like they're still there and like they have a say in what me and the other admins do. Lost a good friend through all of this, too. It reassures my belief that 3/4 of this planet's population is retarded.

One of my friend's is in the hospital. He's been sick since last Thursday and finally went to the hospital last night. They admitted him last night, as well, and now we're waiting to hear back on what's wrong. I hope he's okay. :\

  • 20:09 fucking people. *stabs* #

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  • 21:37 Lack of muse is giving me headaches. #

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  • 07:02 My weekend starts in five hours! *bounces* #
  • 07:20 I will finish season two of Weeds before Monday. x.x #
  • 13:07 One more day til the weekend. #
  • 17:13 trip to downtown L.A. with the ex-bf was totally not awkward. >> #
  • 13:28 I hate my parents >< #
  • 15:39 One more day until my super duper weekend. .__. #
  • 12:30 really doesn't want to go to work today. But, happy St. Patrick's Day! #
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Heroes pissed me off last night. Last week's teaser was very interesting, not that this episode didn't prove interesting. I guess I was hoping for a little more Peter than what we got. The ending of this episode seemed really interesting and I'm hoping they don't wait until five minutes til 10pm to actually show what was on the teaser.

Speaking of Heroes, I bought Season Two last night at Target for $20. Score! I also bought Season One of Gossip Girl.

By the way, I also have a new mood theme: Milo Ventimiglia themed. ^^
... and I'm a DC."

Your result for True Colors Test - A Self Inventory...

NT - Scholar (Green)

Congratulations!  You are the SCHOLAR.

First, the bad news.  On any given bad day you're most likely to be perceived as cold, arrogant, know-it-all.  At times you are closed off and independent, seemingly absentminded, and have probably been told that you've got your head in the clouds.  You get lost in thought easily, and sometimes you leave people back on Earth when you go off on a reverie.  All of this means that you can come off as aloof and unappreciative of other peoples opinions.  You know better, you're probably just smarter than them.

Now that we've got that out of the way, on to the good news.  You are a critical thinker and an innovator.  A lifetime learner, your passion and thirst for knowledge will entertain you throughout your lifetime.  You are the "ideas" person that people come to for solutions.  To hell with implementing the ideas, you'll leave that for someone else to figure out.  In the meantime, you're probably always eager to share solutions and wisdom with those who seek it.  You're good at being alone, and probably need alone time periodically to recharge and just be in your head.  You're a visionary, mentally tough, analytical and capable of meting out judgment.  You are highly knowledgeable and people seek that out in you.  Try not to let that get to your head.

Scholar Traits:

  • Visionary

  • Conscientious

  • Calm and patient

  • Sees the big picture

  • Serious

  • Competent

  • Inquisitive

  • Meticulous

  • Innovative

  • Insightful and intellectual

  • Adaptable

  • Can never know enough

Take True Colors Test - A Self Inventory
at HelloQuizzy

... This song should be lashed for its catchiness.

Your result for The 3 Variable Funny Test...

the Shock Jock

your humor style:

Your sense of humor is off-the-cuff and kind of gross. Is it is also
sinister, cynical, and vaguely threatening to the purer folks of this
world. You probably get off on that. You would cut a greasy fart, then blame it on your mom, and then just shrug when someone pointed out that she's dead.

Yours is hands-down the most outrageous sense of humor; you like things
trangressive and hardcore. It's highly likely (a) you have no limits (b) you have no scruples and (c) you have no job. Ironically, it's your type of humor that can make the biggest bucks in show business.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Howard Stern - Adam Sandler - Roseanne Barr


The 3-Variable Funny Test!
- it rules -

Take The 3 Variable Funny Test
at HelloQuizzy

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Winter. I love winter. Unfortunately we don't get a true winter in southern California, but nonetheless, if I lived in the midwest or east coast, I would be wanting winter around again.
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I don't really think I've changed much in ten years, so it's hard to think of whether or not I'm a better perosn.
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It's bad enough that people tend to have them set to ring super loud (and then neglect to answer them on time), but so many people have seemed to adopt the idea that they can be on their cell phones no matter what. People who drive while talking/texting on their cell phones drives me insane, as do the people who stroll up to registers and gab away on their phones while the people working have to endure rudeness and all the other crap that comes along with cell phone users.

this week..

Mar. 1st, 2009 08:03 am
.. is going to be such a busy one. My work schedule has changed up and instead of working mornings I will also be working late afternoons and evenings, which I haven't done in years it seems. Monday I've got my Dreamweaver class from 12:30-3:30pm and then I've got to get my hair cut. Saturday is my only other day off, but luckily with my wonky work schedule comes loads of opportunities to sleep in. I have my interview with the City on March 11 and I'm very nervous. I hope I can get this job. It would make me so happy if I could get everything paid off and move out.

On the creative spectrum, I need to do some posts for Carson. There's only three of them, so yay! I also need to start playing around on photoshop more, but I've been so uninspired just because it takes so long to load! I'm going to be staff again at RCR, so at least I'll have that to occupy my time.
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Quite a few, actually - honesty, understanding, trust, mutual interests, great personality, humor, humility. The list can go on. No one trait is more important than another, either.

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